Who Are You?

My godmother gave me some Bishop TD Jakes sermons to listen to that she knew would change my thinking, habits and behaviors. This morning I listened to "Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing". This was my third time listening to it and today this part dropped in my spirit.

Bishop Jakes stated that in order to keep the main thing the main thing, you have to know who you are. You would think by the title that the purpose is maintaining focus on a project or keeping God the center of your life, but I interpreted this message a bit different. Yes, he mentions that Christ must be your center to stay in balance but more he mentions knowing who you are and how you are defined based on how Christ defines you and not the world. This sermon reminds me of one of his others that suggest you do not know who you are until you are in a fight. That when you see yourself in a fight, that is when the real "you" shows up.

As I was walking into work, I shared this little bit with a man that works in another department. He immediately shared how hard it is for him to not let the opinions and feedback from others shape his thinking or allow him to get off track to where he wants to go and his goals in life. He stated that he prays about it a lot and when he sense he is getting off track, he listens to motivational tapes that remind him who he is.

I think this is a bigger issue than most people are willing to recognize. I recall my ex-husband saying over several years that this person said he should do this and this person said he should do that. I also recall asking him, what do you think you should do or be. He always responded with an answer relating to whatever the last person told him. I remember feeling sad each time listening to his response because he didn't realize he had no clue who he was. Then I recall rejoicing because I felt like I always knew who I was.

Little did I know that it takes more than knowing who you are but acting on those things which are in your make up. For example, it does little good for a person to know they are an heir to Donald Trump, if they do not go to the attorneys and exercise their right to the money and real estate. It does little good to celebrate you won the lottery until you cashed in the ticket.

So today I will make a list of who I am and put actions next to them as to how I demonstrate this part of me. I will have to do the list in a separate post for fear it will be long. I am a visual person so I think this is the best way for me to remind myself who I am and to review the list from time to time so I can keep the main thing, the main thing. Someone with good intentions approached me about a business opportunity yesterday and I believe it could work. However, it is not who I am right now nor is in line with what God has called me to do at this time. Therefore, her ambitions for me may be an accessory one day but not the main thing at this time in my life.

My main thing is to build the kingdom of God by teaching people how to manage their household income. As long as I keep this the main thing, all the accessories or side orders as Bishop Jakes calls them- will have its pleasure in my life.

Who are you? What is your main thing? Is it the main thing in your life today?

Something New: The Finale

I finished watching Something New this morning and I love this movie. It ranks with some of my favorite romantic movies: Love Story(the 70's version), Love & Basketball, 50 First Dates and of course, Love Jones.

Anyway I rarely view the extras on a movie but this one has some good extras. The Do's and Don'ts of Dating by the cast members and The Making of Something New. It was encouraging to see all those Black women working together behind the scenes and looking fabulous like you know we can look. It made me proud to be part of the flock!

One of the best Do's was from Alfre Woodard who suggests to be honest during a date. If you know within the first 15 min, this situation or person is not for you, just say, "Hey Bart..." Why did she use the name Bart? Do you know a brother named Bart? I don't. "Hey Bart, this is just not for me." I had several dates long ago I should have used that line but decided to wait until after dinner because I usually went on the date hungry. Not too hungry where I ate real fast or ordered a lot of food, but hungry enough that I finished my meal and was not ashamed about eating more than salad. That's been a minute so I am sure when I am back in the game, I will eat before, during and after while I am talking to my girl, Mel, and telling her all about it.

Blair Underwood suggested not to talk too much on a first date. He recommends good conversation but not to over do it. I won't have that problem except I like to ask a lot of questions which can scare anybody. A man is better off bringing a copy of his credit report and resume to eliminate the first 20 min of conversation with me. However, my questions generate conversation and mainly try to find out truths to decide if I want to continue a conversation with him after that date.

I told Mrs. M for some reason I think I will meet Boaz at church and that he sings in the choir. There are a lot of men in our choir and three on our praise team, not counting the band and I do not know one of them. I think I am hoping he is in the choir so he won't know how bad I sing down in the pews. The Word says to make a joyful noise unto the Lord, and I do my share.

Regardless if Boaz is at church, a future business partner, met thru friends or church members(hint, hint) or at the grocery store, I will continue enjoying my life as it is today. The way I look at it; it can only get sweeter with something new!

I Hope He Was On Drugs!

I was so shocked and disappointed to see Kramer- real name Michael Richards- yelling the N word during a comedy stand-up. Using it with no punch line at that but out of what appeared to be frustration with a hackler who use a few racist terms himself. The whole thing was ugly.

I loved Kramer on the show, Seinfeld. He was the best co-lead on any sitcom I have ever watched and was always funny. (Next to Ben Stiller on King of Queens or the tall dude on Everybody Loves Raymond.) The funniest episodes were the Cuban cigars and the ultimate shower head.

This real life incident just proves that what is in us will always come out of us. I feel bad for all the fans he will lose due to this real life incident but it is a good reminder that celebrities are rarely like the characters they portray.

13 Years Later

I cannot believe that 13 years later I am finding out that I may have a pension plan from the first job I had after graduating from college! Guess how I found out? My current employer uses Fidelity to manage their pension and Fidelity recently bought the files of my employer all those years ago and so they combined my accounts.

The first flag was when I saw my maiden name and address from all those years ago on my current employer's personal profile. I thought why would they dig up this information? So I called the handy dandy 800# and was told, "That is weird. We will call you back in 5 working days." That was October 11, 2006.

So I have called every week or so since and get the same response. Today, Debbie, a rep I had not talked to yet, was a lot more confident in her response that this issue will probably not be resolved in 5 working days nor by the end of the year. I expressed my concern of getting any type of false tax documents concerning this matter and she tried to assure me that would not happen. She stated that they have received several calls since buying these files in April, so it may take a while to get resolved. I kindly told her that I appreciate it and will call back. Yes, I should have escalated this matter long ago but I am not sure if I am due money or not. I was right out of college so pension was the least on my brain. I probably had no clue what it was either. So I am treading lighter than usual incase I have a few thousand waiting for me.

In the meantime, it is irritating to see my current employer have record of me working in two places and two cities. Also I have to question when the last time my former employer was audited because they should have caught this prior to 13 years later, wouldn't you think? Anyway, rather I have a windfall or this is in error, I will update when and how this was resolved.

Something New

My friend who got me hooked on blogging- gave up my hard copy journaling- sent me a copy of the movie, "Something New". If you have not seen this movie, it is about a professional Black woman who thinks of every excuse imaginable not to fall in love with this White landscaper. He is a fine White man too- close to Matthew Macanaughey. She even breaks up with him to go out with a professional Black man only to find out she loves Mr. Paint My Toes. Yes, the white landscaper paints her toes. Well one toe before it leads to other things.

Anyway, this is the second friend who has recommended this movie to me. I get the hint! The first time I watched it I was working on my computer at the same time so I missed a lot of the movie and messages. For whatever reason I started watching it again this morning (before work knowing I would not be able to watch all of it) and found myself being challenged by some of the same things she was. Could I date someone out of my race and not feel like I am betraying the brothers? Would he be able to hold conversations with my friends? Would he understand the challenges Black people still face day to day corporately? How would my family deal with it? Could I imagine running my fingers through slick, moussed hair rather than dreds or nappy afro? YES I CAN IF...

Yes, there are stipulations. He must proclaim Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior AND believe the Holy Spirit lives inside of him. These two characteristics are non-negotiable. These qualities override being fine as Matthew Macaughney or Gary Dourdaine. Knowing God is greater and that his life is dependent upon God's grace surpasses all other characteristics.

In addition, he must have good credit. Meaning a credit score over 700 or submit something in writing explaining why it is not above this number. He must have goals- big and small. Nothing elaborate but at least still reaching for something other than the remote and food. And of course he must love and know himself so that he can know how to love me and my girls.

Trust me, if these qualities are not on your list for a future mate, you better double check your list. If not, you are willing to accept an automatic road of tough times and tears. I am not saying if your future Boaz possess all of these qualities that your relationship will be perfect. However, to have all your expectations on the table and for both parties to be truthful, God will bless that relationship and give you knowledge to work through your differences. I believe that!

Anyway, I will try to watch the remainder of the movie tomorrow morning. At first I did not think I could watch any type of romantic movie without getting depressed or getting my current priorities screwed up, but it did not phase me watching this movie because I believe Boaz is coming soon. It will be hilarious if I already met him and we didn't know it. My friends will not be surprised if Boaz is not a brother because of my pro-Blackness. However, they know I will not lose that regardless what package Boaz is wrapped in.